


Why Now?

by PattRose



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Depressed Jim, M/M, Sad Ending, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8679496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: Blair is worried about Jim.  He’s been in a funk for about a week and seems to be getting more depressed every day. Happy Birthday, Nicci Mac





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicci](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicci/gifts).



Why Now?  
By PattRose  
Summary: Blair is worried about Jim. He’s been in a funk for about a week and seems to be getting more depressed every day.  
Warnings: None  
Genre: Slash  
Rating: Gen  
Word Count: 1533  
A/N: Happy Birthday, Nicci Mac I hope you have a wonderful day and year. I wish this one would have been happier. Damn Muse anyhow. 

 

Jim hadn’t been sleeping well for about a week now. Blair was really getting worried. He kept asking what was wrong and Jim was almost grumpy when he asked. Didn’t Jim know that Blair would do anything for his lover? If this continued, Blair was going to ask for someone’s help. Someone needed to talk to Jim, even if it wasn’t him. Whatever made Jim the most comfortable would work for Blair. 

Megan walked up to Blair in the bullpen and said, “Jim is shoving a fellow cop around in the locker room. I just thought I would let you know that everyone is worried about him. He’s been so mean and grumpy. He’s my friend and I can’t hardly stand him.”

“I better go down and break it up,” Blair replied. 

“Henri already did. But you might see about getting him to see someone. He’s got problems.”

“I’ll take care of it, Megan,” Blair answered. 

Jim walked up and sat down and knew that Blair already knew about the fight in the locker room. _Shit, now he’s going to be bugging me all night long. Damn it._

Blair didn’t say a thing in the bullpen, but he was going to get to the bottom of it, if it killed both of them. And Blair also knew it might just do that.

Simon stuck his head out of the door and barked, “Sandburg, my office now.”

Blair walked in there with great displeasure because he knew that Simon thought that Blair could fix everything. He walked in and stood there. “Can I help you, Simon?”

“Shut the door, Blair, we need to talk.”

“Sir, if this is personal, don’t even start it. It’s none of your business or mine for that matter. I can’t help with this yet. I’m trying, but he’s fighting me.”

“That’s nice to know, Blair but the reason I called you in here is to tell you that you’re getting a raise starting on the next paycheck. Two dollars an hour more. I take it from the look on your face, you approve.”

“Hell, I love my job as a consultant, Simon, but two dollars an hour more makes it even better. Yes, I approve.”

“Get out of here. Take Jim and go celebrate or something. You can leave now.” Simon patted Blair on the back as he left his office. 

Blair was walking on sunshine. He was so happy. He walked over to Jim and said, “We’re off early. I’ll tell you why downstairs.”

They both got their jackets, but Jim refused to be in a good mood about getting off early. In fact, he seemed more pissed off than anything. 

When they got into the truck, Jim turned to Blair and said, “You have no right discussing my personal things with Simon. How dare you? As far as I’m concerned we’re over with.”

“First of all we were discussing me. Second of all you’re a fucking asshole. I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me in the parking garage of the station. I’ll get my stuff and be out by tonight.” Blair opened the door and started to get out. 

Jim grabbed him and said, “I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry. We’re not breaking up, ever. Understood? I’ll talk to you tonight if you’d like to listen. I know I’m an asshole and I’ll try to do better. Please say you’ll stay with me.”

“This is your last chance, Jim. You either talk to me, or talk to someone else. But you won’t be using me as your whipping boy from this moment on. I’ll always love you, but I’m having a hard time liking you right now.”

“I understand that, Blair. We’ll talk when we get home.”

The drive home was filled with what seemed like sadness and emptiness to Blair. Whatever it was, it was something big.

*

**At the loft**

“Sit down on the sofa, I have something to show you,” Jim said, as he walked up the stairs. 

Blair could hear him digging through something and finally started back down the stairs again. When Jim came down the stairs, he was carrying a manila envelope and Blair wondered what it could be. 

“I got this three days ago. My mother passed away and her husband thought I might like some of her things. So he gave me the time and place for the funeral and his address to pick things up. Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything but this lately, but not once did I think of going to her funeral. She left me and never got in touch with me again. I really think I have a right to feel the way I do. I’m bitter and cold from just thinking about her.”

Blair watched as Jim tried to remain calm and in one piece. But Blair could see that Jim was on the verge of collapse. Blair decided to give him a little push. Blair pulled Jim into his arms and kissed his neck and said, “I’m sorry.”

That was all it took. Jim started trembling in Blair’s arms and said in a broken voice, “Why couldn’t she have loved me?”

“Jim, you don’t know why she left. Maybe she had mental problems and then was embarrassed to see you when she got better. People do that all the time. There are a million reasons as to why she left or didn’t come back. You’re never going to know without seeing her husband.”

Jim held on for dear life and just soaked up Blair’s strength. “Would you go to Seattle with me to see him?”

“Of course I would. We have to be sure it’s okay with Simon, but I’m sure he’ll let us both off. Jim you have to learn how to feel and open yourself up to people. You can’t keep hurting people and pushing them away.”

“I love you so much, Blair and I’m sorry for what I said tonight.”

“Just remember that I’m here to help you through your life, not just be an onlooker. Talk to me from now on. I love you too.”

“Could you call that man that was married to my mom and ask when we could come up?”

Blair pulled away from Jim and said, “You’ll do it. I’ll be sitting right next to you, but you’re strong enough to handle this.”

Blair looked at the pictures that were in the envelope and said, “She was a lovely woman, Jim. You have her eyes. They look like kind eyes. But they’re sad too. Things might have been hard for her also.”

“You’re going to sit right here with me, right?” Jim asked, sounding very nervous. 

“Call away. I’m here. I’ll always be by your side, Jim. Call.”

Jim called the number and said, “Bob, this is Jim Ellison. I didn’t have the strength to call you until tonight. What type of things did you want me to pick up?”

“Hello, Jim. I was hoping you would call. Your mother kept all your baby books and baby pictures. She has a lot of framed pictures and wanted me to be sure that you got them and took some home of her too. She was never right after the shock treatments at the hospital where I worked. We met there and I told her I would always be by her side. She knew she wouldn’t be a good mother anymore. But that didn’t mean she didn’t think of you or love you any less. It wasn’t her fault, Jim. Sometimes mental diseases are hard to cope with. Please say you’ll come up and pick things up.”

“Yeah, we thought we would try to come tomorrow, if that’s all right with you. How did she die, Bob?”

“She never got better, Jim. Shock therapy is a horrible thing to do to people. Please don’t hate her. She was a good woman. She couldn’t stand another day like she was, so she took an overdose of her pills. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry for you too. We’ll see you tomorrow, Bob. My significant other is going to be with me. I hope that won’t bother you.”

“It won’t bother me at all. Drive carefully. Bye, Jim.”

Jim closed his cell and began to sob. Not only had his mother not deserted him, but she had a horrible life herself. Jim felt terrible for all the things he had been thinking about.

Blair held on to Jim and kissed his cheek. “Everything will work out, Jim. You can heal now.”

They went to bed early that night and Jim held on to Blair for dear life. He was so glad that Blair had told him what was wrong with him or he would have been in a mental hospital also. 

Life sucked sometimes. 

The end


End file.
